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My Little Black Book: List Of Kinks You Need This Summer

My Little Black Book: List Of Kinks You Need This Summer

List Of Kinks
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In case you have not heard, sex is not just bout penetrative intercourse. In fact, any kind of erotic play or touch that two people enjoy for the sake of pleasure also counts as sex. 

Moreover, whether you love trying out new sexual positions with a partner(s) or vibing on your own with your favorite sex toy, most of your favorite freaky (and sensual) activities fall under fetishes, kinks, and fantasies. 

It doesn’t matter where you are on the kinky scale – from 100% vanilla to experienced kinksters; it is normal to wonder what actually makes a kink a kink or what makes a fetish fetish. As a result, I have been looking up my little black book to find my secret list of kinks for a hot, sultry summer ahead!

But before that, here are some stats to show you exactly how kinky is popular this summer!

Key Highlights:

  • 30% of 4170 American1s have their own list of kinks, while a slightly higher percentage of Americans claimed to have performed kinky activities at least once.
  • Out of 2000 people2, 62% expressed their desire to be dominated.
  • More than 70% of people claimed3 to use a blindfold during sexual intercourse.

While most kinks are shrouded in fear and misconception, data tells us that kinks and sex toys are rapidly gaining popularity. While nearly 66% of women enjoy being dominated, 53% of men4 claim to have sexual fantasies about being dominated.

But before we talk about the list of kinks you need by your bedside table, let’s address the elephant in the room – what is a kink? And why do we even have them? Stay tuned – things are about to turn really kinky right now! 

So, What Are Kinks?

So, What Are Kinks

Kink is a sort of umbrella term for any sexual activity that is not mainstream of what is typically considered to be sexual. Yes, so any sexual activity that is not vanilla is a kink. Simply put, kinks are any sexual acts, turn-ons, and even fantasies that go beyond the strictly standard vanilla sex. 

Obviously, this also makes kinks subjective. Since kinks are any sexual act that deviates from what is normal, what counts as kinky to you might not be kinky to me, considering our definition of normal might be different. 

For instance, using sex toys during sex is kinky for you, while it can be completely normal for someone else. Basically, while there are several sexual practices that are established as kinks, kinks are largely subjective since they depend on what someone finds normal during sex. 

It is also vital to note that while fetishes and kinks tend to overlap, they aren’t the same thing, really. Fetishes are similar to kinks, but fetishes always have a purpose, that is, to arouse you. In fact, some fetishists even think of their fetish as something inherent to their sexual orientation and identity. 

Naturally, fetishes and kinks tend to overlap from time to time. The way most of us experience our unique sexual behaviors and interests is very nuanced. Moreover, the way we talk about our sexual interests keeps constantly evolving. 

Whether you are kinky or strictly vanilla, you must always remember that what you fantasize about doing or what you do in your sex life is your experience. As a result, you can only define it, and there should be no shame attached to it. 

Similarly, what others are into is completely fine and deserves your respect as long as it happens between/among consenting adults. 

The Psychology Behind Kinks: Why Do We Have Kinks?

Why Do We Have Kinks

First things first – there is nothing shameful about having a kink. In fact, a recent study took into account the sex lives of 2000 Americans, with 40% claiming to be a kinky person5

Moreover, 36% of Americans have a specific fetish, while 27% of committed individuals fantasize about at least one sexual act that they want to try but haven’t confided in their partners yet.

The survey also discovered that sex toys are popular, with a solid 49%, almost 1 in 2 Americans being open to this. Additionally, 51% of individuals with at least one fetish admitted to taking at least 30 days (or longer) to tell their partner about it. 

The data clearly indicates two important observations:

  1. Kinks and fetishes are very popular – we are all in this together. So, what’s with all the secrecy? 
  1. Sex positivity in 2024 is a common affair. But then why are so many still worried about sharing their deepest fantasies with their partners? This shows that kinks and fetishes largely continue to be shrouded in fear and misconception.

I think why kinks are considered to be a social stigma has a lot to do with people failing to understand the psychology behind having kinks. 

Typically, it is believed that kinks stem out of trauma – this is false. Moreover, people perceive kinks as a means of corrupting the tender idea (or vanilla concept) of making love – this is also false. 

In fact, having kinks and being open about it is considered to be somewhat ‘freaky.’ As a result, it is imperative for people to understand why they develop certain kinks. That is perhaps the only way to at least start normalizing kinks as an integral part of our sexuality. 

So, why do we have kinks – or rather, where do kinks come from?

Kinks Can Develop In Childhood, Or Later:

So, are kinks genetic? Yes and no.

Individuals tend to gravitate towards kinks in two different ways. The journey turns out to be innate, with the individual becoming conscious about their kinks while growing up. It is also possible to develop an acquired taste for certain kinks much later in life for individuals trying to explore their sexuality.

Interestingly, children, even before turning 10, develop an initial engagement with kinky behaviors like watching shows featuring superheroes in danger and connecting with the show or wanting to be seized during a game of cops and robbers. 

For some kids, such initial engagements can evolve into the idea of exploring the same desires with their physical selves through masturbating, fantasizing, seeking erotic media, and feeling material sensations on their bodies. 

According to psychologists, children typically become conscious about their interests between the age group of 11 and 14

It includes feeling shame over their kinks, understanding not everyone has the same interests, worrying that someone is wrong with them, feeling different, and actively interacting in research in the hopes of understanding their unique interests. 

Once they begin to realize that there are others like them, they can try to find others with the same set of interests, thanks to popular culture and the internet. The final stage in kink development includes discussing kinks with others, which typically happens during the final teenage years. 

If such identity development does not occur in the early years, then it can cause an individual to develop internalized shame. This, in turn, can cause depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. As a result, it is normal for young adults to feel weird, sick, or even freaky for wanting to entertain their desires due to the silence and stigma around kinks. 

Social Stigmas Around Kinks Is Detriment To The Mental Health Of Kinksters:

While having your own list of kinks by your bedside table is completely fine, there is no denying that it can be embarrassing if anyone finds out about them. 

But having kinks is common. In fact, as per a new study6, about 50% of adults have fantasies and desires that are unconventional. Among the 1040 people surveyed on how they feel about paraphilic or kinky sexual acts, while 45.6% of individuals expressed their desire for kinks, 33.9% revealed engaging in at least one kinky act. 

So, literally, almost half the people on the survey turned out to be kinky – interesting. 

But then, at the same time, there is so much stigma around kinks and everything that it entails. For example, let’s look at one of the most stigmatized kinks – age play – since it involves adults behaving and dressing up like kids in a sexual environment. 

It is often classified as:

  • Infantophilia – sexual attraction to infants.
  • Pedophilia – sexual attraction to prepubescents.
  • Hebephilia – sexual attraction to pubescents.
  • Ephebophilia – sexual attraction to post-pubescent adolescents.

Most of the stigma against the age-play kink arises from the blending of child sexual abuse with pedophilia. While the latter is a sexual preference, the former is a practice that is illegal in the eyes of the law since it harms children who cannot give consent. 

In age-play, adult and consenting sexual partners act at an age that is different from their actual ages for different reasons: people who like acting younger might like playing at an age they are familiar with, or perhaps they like it with their ‘older’ partner who cares for them or disciplines them. 

According to psychologists and therapists, most kinksters go to therapy to be heard, to be seen, or to recover from shame. Some kinksters also opt for therapy to explore how to obtain sexual pleasure without harming anyone. 

It is vital to understand that age-play is a type of role-play in which a person treats another or acts as if they are of a certain age, either non-sexually or sexually. The thing that you need to remember here is that it includes consent from all involved parties. 

TBH, more research is required into the origins of sexual kinks and age-play, which has been hard to accomplish historically due to the community’s silence that does not easily trust outsiders. 

So, let’s just work together and find language for the underrated sexual minorities who are empathetic instead of actually evoking disgust and fear.

Normalizing someone’s kinks and helping them to meet link-minded people or accepting partners is crucial. With these steps comes less anger, improved sleeping habits, less anger, and even better patterns for the people involved. 

My Little Black Book: List Of Kinks You Need This Summer

Now that you have a fair idea about the psychology behind kinks and how it’s all right to be a little freaky in bed (we are all in this together, after all), let’s talk about my little black book!

Yes, I have one of those books, and thank god, I do! There is nothing ‘normal’ in sex. In fact, there are two parameters that define healthy and normal sex. That is it – just two parameters to check. 

As long as the sex is pleasurable and consensual, it’s good. So, keep that in mind while you go through my list of kinks, fetishes, and associated terms individuals often use to speak about desires and experiences. 

Some of them might appear to be familiar, while the rest might not be the same, and some could be things you are into. The point is, either way, all of it is part of the diverse and beautifully kinky world of human sexual experiences. 

So, keep your inhibitions aside, and welcome to the beautiful world of kinks!

1. Macrophilia:

Macrophilia

I’m glad that I had included macrophilia in my list of kinks all those years ago. It wasn’t even a big deal back then! But I used to think that the world was my oyster and my FOMO was real at the time. 

Surprisingly, Clips4Sale has named macrophilia as the Fetish of the Year7 – so this is 2024’s most popular kink! 

For amateurs, macrophilia is all about having sexual fantasies about people who are giant-like in size. The idea revolved around being consumed by someone’s giantness, err, you know where this is heading. 

2. Dirty Talk:

Dirty Talk

Dirty talk does seem low-key kinky, but that does not make it relatively less legitimate or hot, for that matter. 

While some kinks appear to be more typical as compared to others, they are not more acceptable or normal for that reason alone. Personally, I am a fan of dirty talk, not because having nasty banter during sex is hot as hell, but because it is the perfect way to dip your toes into the world of kinks. 

While other kinks might take more energy, preparation, and time, dirty talking doesn’t – as a result, it is the perfect orientation kink!

For instance, let’s assume a threesome (MMF) turns you on, but you aren’t ready to actually try it out in real life. So, dirty talking about the same with your partner can actually create the space for you to explore such possibilities. That way, you don’t have to do it for real – but you can talk about it and see how you feel about it. 

3. Role Play:

Role Play

Role-play is old, popular, and my favorite! Moreover, role-play is perhaps one of the most popular kinks in the world and includes playing characters who aren’t a part of your daily life, typically as a part of your sex scene. 

Additionally, 44% of people said they liked role-playing during an online survey8 in 2018. This obviously shows how role-playing is one kink that will never lose popularity. 

This can actually range from pretending to be your partner’s boss to tossing on a tie, acting like your favorite character, or even creating a scenario with characters. 

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4. Group Sex:

Group Sex

Orgies, swinging, and threesomes, oh my god! 

Sometimes, just one person is not enough. In fact, the bedroom is one area where you can be as greedy as you want to be. In fact, you can also have a kink for group sex – oh so normal and so hot – if the idea of having multiple sexual partners simultaneously turns you on. 

5. Sex Parties:

Sex Parties

Some people are exhibitionists, some are voyeurs, and others can get turned on by the complete idea of a group sex party. 

It is not just an event where you can show yourself off, watch others, or even do both. But it is also the perfect place to enjoy group sex or come across others like you and then integrate yourself into your sex-positive local community. 

Once you come across a kinky community, you will learn quickly that you are not alone and most people share other kinks. 

6. Money Kink:

Money Kink

Speaking of money and sex, you can have a plain old money kink. So, understand this – when we talk about money kinks, we aren’t actually talking about being horny for paper money, literally. 

Rather, it is also about getting turned on by what money actually represents in a capitalist society – luxury, status, power, and an unattainable lifestyle. The actual difference between just enjoying nice things and having a kink for money is very straightforward. 

Moreover, if you have this kink, then you will see that luxury and money arouses you. But if you just prefer fancy stuff, then you might have a good time with them, but it won’t arouse you sexually. 

7. Primal Play:

Primal Play

Primal play is a kind of sexual activity in which people leave behind their logical or rational sides and simply tap into their wild, animal instincts. This might include animal role-play, snarling, grunting, or any similar animal-like noises. 

After all, not all kinds of primal play are non-verbal. However, it can be so in certain cases. 

8. Objectification:

Objectification

As a fetish or a kink, objectification talks about arousal by dehumanizing your partner or, rather, objectifying your partner. For instance, anyone who wants to be hypnotized erotically or see themselves as an object or a sex doll has an objectification fetish or kink – if that is the only way to turn you on. 

9. BDSM:

BDSM

BDSM is a basic catch-all acronym for not one but different aspects of the fetish and kink community across the globe.

Viren Swami9 conducted a survey10 on kinks that came up with how 10% of women and 19% of men find bondage erotic. Similarly, YouGov’s survey reported11 that 1 out of every 3 Americans have been tied up during sex. 

The data does not just indicate the rising popularity of BDSM and bondage in general. In case you were wondering, this is what BDSM stands for! 

  • ‘B’ stands for Bondage.
  • ‘D’ stands for Discipline and Domination.
  • ‘S’ stands for Submission and Sadism
  • ‘M’ stands for Masochism

BDSM also involves a consensual exchange of power. This means that the sub (submissive partner) will consent to the dom (dominant partner) to take control under different circumstances. 

10. Dominant And Submissive:

Dominant And Submissive

If you are a fan of BDSM, chances are you have already experimented with Dominant-Submissive kink. And if you haven’t, then 50 shades will take care of the rest. 

Someone who is dominant will dominate their partner through different kinky activities. Now, these activities can be mental, like calling you names, or physical, such as choking. Similarly, the submissive partners like the dom to dominate them. So, if you are a sub, for instance, then you will like to be tied up, humiliated, or even slapped consensually.

Typically, people do use terms such as ‘submissive’ or ‘dominant’ to describe themselves. But have you ever noticed how people decide their dom-sub identities based on their actions more and identities less? 

Of course, these do not need to be set in stone. In fact, people can also use such terms interchangeably. 

The dom-sub kink is perhaps one of the most popular kinks in the world. In fact, Durex did a survey12 in 2017 that pointed out that 20% of respondents from 41 different countries claimed to use blindfolds, masks, and even bondage gear. Moreover, according to the Journal of Sex Research, 40% of men and 26% of women fantasize about submission. 

In fact, the dom-sub sphere is pretty large, considering there are several aspects, such as the CNC (consensual non-consent) kink and the rigger kink

11. Praise Kink:

praise kink

Come on, this one’s my favorite. 

If you are a pillow princess like I am, praises can be a real turn-on! And having a kink for praises sounds pretty great. Just imagine that you are not just going to have good sex; your partner will also shower you with praises – what more do you want? 

Does it feel thrilling when your partner calls you a ‘good girl’ while getting intimate with you? That’s you getting turned on by praises.

Moreover, if praises don’t turn you on and instead, you are a sucker for degradation, then maybe, just maybe, instead of praises, insults turn you on! Yep, even that is a possibility. 

A Hot-As-Hell Summer Is Knocking On The Door:

The world of fetishes and kinks is varied and wild, just like an encyclopedia. And if you think the world is an oyster (just like I did) and it’s time to explore, then you definitely need this list of kinks. 

What most admittedly incomplete lists boil down to is that nearly everyone has some sort of sexual proclivity for an object or an act that is not inherently sexual. And getting turned on by some unsexual activity just doesn’t make sense.

In a crazy, hellish world, finding happiness wherever you can – such as feeling fluttery from just looking into your partner’s belly button is literally a privilege that is worth celebrating.

❤️❤️ Wait…Before You Leave, Consider These Top Resources

REFERENCES:

  1. Github Org published a report based on a survey featuring 4,170 Americans, 30% people claimed that they have a kink while a slightly higher percentage revealed that they have performed kinky activites at least once.  ↩︎
  2. Gitnux Org also mentioned in the same report how in a survey featuring 2,000 Americans, 62% people claimed to have a desire to be dominated. ↩︎
  3. Lovehoney conducted a survey featuring how more than 70% of people claimed to using a blindfold during sex. Since using a blindfold is a type of sensory deprivation, the data indicates that this is a very common kink ↩︎
  4. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at Indiana University, conducted a survey that found out 53% of men and 63% women have sexual fantasies about being dominated. ↩︎
  5. EdenFantasys is a sex toy brand. The brand did a study featuring 2,000 Americans whose sex lives were put under the limelight. While 40% said they were kinky, 27% claimed they were afraid of telling their partner about trying out a kink together ↩︎
  6. The Journal of Sex Research recently published a new study featuring 1,040 people. Researchers from the Philippe Pinel Institute of Montreal and the University of Quebec at Trois-Rivieres analysed over a thousand people to find out their thoughts on eight non-normophilic sexual acts. ↩︎
  7. Clips4Sale is a platform adult content related to kinks and fetishes. Globally, the platform’s top fetish-related search term is ‘giantness’ – the kink is known as macrophilia. ↩︎
  8. Debra W. Soh did an online survey in 2018. In this survey, 44% of respondents said that like role-playing or dressing up or even acting out certain scenes. 
    ↩︎
  9. Viren Swami is a Social Psychology Professor at the Anglia Ruskin University in the United Kingdom and Malaysia’s Perdana University.
    ↩︎
  10. Prof. Viren Swami conducted a survey at the Anglia Ruskin University on kinky sex. As per the survey, 10% of female respondents and 19% of male respondents claimed that they think handcuffs are erotic ↩︎
  11. YouGov conducted a survey to showcase the popularity of bondage. As per the survey, 1 out of every 3 Americans said they have been tied up during sex. 
    ↩︎
  12.  In 2017, Durex did a Global Sex Survey. As per the data from the survet, 20% respondents from 41 different countries confessed to using masks, blindfolds, and other kinds of bondage gear. ↩︎
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