If you are in your 20s, chances are you have been in more than one situationship by now, if you know what I mean. But in case you haven’t been in one yet and are currently on the verge of being in one, let me warn you!
Getting over a situationship is sometimes harder than getting over a long term relationship and it’s absolutely true.
Today, we will tell you why – stay tuned to find out more!
So, What Is A Situationship?
So, what is a situationship? If you have been looking up ‘situationship meaning’ on Google, then you have come to the right place – let’s talk about situationships.
A situationship is technically a type of partnership that’s convenient only ‘situationally.’ It could also be perceived as that particular stage of a relationship before ‘the talk.’ Either way, it is bound to be confusing when you find yourself trapped in the middle of one.
James Preece, a dating coach, talked about situationships with Cosmopolitan and mentioned, “a situationship is when two people have been on a few dates but are yet to define what’s going on. This usually happens for two reasons; they’re either still hedging their bets and taking time to get to know each other, or they’re nervous about making their feelings known for fear of rejection.”
As the term is gaining popularity, it has also come to refer to any relationship that is not defined. This could be for several reasons, including neither party actually wanting to label anything, but often, it is considered to be less positive.
You might just find yourself in the middle of a situation where both of you are just too nervous to actually have ‘that talk’ or if only one of you is not comfortable with the ‘r-word.
Are You In A Situationship?
There are different types of situationships. It could be a long distance situationship, it could be more like a friends-with-benefits thingy.
The thing is situationships don’t have labels. So if you are going out with someone but not exactly sure about what is really going on at all times then chances are you are in a situationship.
As per Stephanie Tumba, the author of ‘100 Dates and a Wedding’ and relationship expert, there are some telltale signs that you are in a situationship. These signs include,
- Having no photos together on any social media platform.
- Communicating only via WhatsApp.
- Not meeting any friends or acquaintances of your ‘potential partner.’
- Sacred or just reluctant to have ‘the talk’ or discuss feelings.
If these sound familiar, chances are you are in a situationship.
Why Getting Over A Situationship Hurts More Than A Long Term Relationship?
Ending a situationship and, more importantly, getting over it can be plain brutal…and the pain is so much worse than the pain usually following the end of a long-term relationship. But why?
Why is it so hard to let go of something that you never really had? Why does it always feel like an enormous loss? Why does it feel like you are trapped in a spiral, obsessive cycle?
Well, the truth is when you are in a situationship, you are basically dating your potential. And when the situationship ends, it is the death of this potential – it is the death of what could have actually been – and that is very hard to really reconcile.
It’s Just A Fantasy:
So, you met someone who loves traveling and exploring cute cafes just like you do – and you are so excited about the compatibility potential the two of you share. The potential to do something exciting, something adventurous, something fun together – and it is so exhilarating to get caught in this fantasy.
And when it abruptly ends, or you are wondering how to end a situationship when it really even began, you are actually mourning the loss of something that you never really had – and what’s worse, you are typically mourning the loss of your fantasy.
You do not know what it actually would have looked like simply because you never really got to the point where you were traveling together and exploring cute cafes. And you have no clue what it would have ever looked like.
It could have been perfect, but at the same time, it could have also been a complete disaster. You just do not know, and you can not really know. Instead of thinking about what actually went wrong, you cannot stop obsessing over how perfect things could have been – you are basically attached to fantasy and not any reality.
They Didn’t Even Try:
It can also hurt that your partner did not even want to try.
In long-term relationships, both you and your partner stay and work on things till you both can’t try anymore. But in any non committal relationship, it hurts more because although you were ready to try, your partner just wasn’t. It really hurts that they did not want to even step up and match your needs to give this thing between you guys an actual shot.
And it can be so difficult not to take all this personally: am I even worth fighting for? They did not even want to give it some more time to see what was really there.
They Were Not Who You Thought They Were:
Perhaps one of the biggest situationship red flags is you are not really falling for someone’s real self – you are seeing the best version of this person because, in the beginning, we are busy showing our best versions.
The beginning of any relationship can feel like a delusion – it can begin to feel like you actually like this person, but you do not really know them yet. And when it abruptly ends, before you can really know them, it leaves so many blanks for you to fill in. And you might end up creating this dream person in your mind that might or might not even exist – yes, that is the person you are pinning for!
The situationship rules will teach you not to be mad at this person or the situation – but it won’t stop you from getting mad at yourself. You will feel like you cannot trust your own judgment because, inside your head, everything is just fine. So how did you not see this one coming? How could you be so delusional?
And It’s A Wrap!
Enjoying a funny situationship meme or a few situationship quotes is one thing and always getting trapped in situationships is a whole different ball game. No matter what popular culture tells us, these relationships (?) are only good on paper – when it comes to real life, these can cause much emotional and mental damage. So it’s better to steer clear from these relationship equations.
Tell us what are your thoughts on situationships? Feel free to share your thoughts, stories, and experiences related to situationships in the comments below.
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