There are basically two types of people in this whole world – people who love dirty jokes and people who lie about not loving dirty jokes. We don’t expect you to actually apologize for your inappropriate humor. After all, there is literally zero shame in cracking R-rated jokes or even sharing a few with all your friends.
And today, we are going to get naughty and dirty with our sense of humor – are you ready for some of the most inappropriate jokes out there? Stay tuned to find out!
69 Dirty Jokes So Racy, You’ll Want To Cover Your Eyes
Before we start cracking some dirty Santa jokes or something weirder, we have a question for you! Don’t you think some of the most laugh-out-loud, genuinely crafted jokes are the most inappropriate ones?
So, without wasting any more time, scroll down and read the filthiest dirty jokes, so racy that you might just cover your eyes!
Dirty Jokes: Daddy Edition
We don’t know what’s more inappropriate: dirty dad jokes or dads cracking those jokes – you tell us! But there was no way we were leaving out any dirty dad jokes – so get ready for some of the filthiest gags out there, only with a twist. Presenting dirty jokes, the daddy edition – scroll down and laugh out loud!
- What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff. (Jeffrey Brandt on Facebook)
- *Dad buying fake Christmas tree* Cashier: “Are you going to put it up yourself?” Dad: “Don’t be disgusting…I’m going to put it up in the living room. (HippieMermaid420 on Reddit)
- What do you call it when a hotel mattress is ruined from too much vacation sex? Spring break. (Varanis_Ridari on Twitter)
- Why didn’t 1 get together with 3? They weren’t ready to try a three-sum. (u/Shawnpeterswrites on Reddit)
- I’ve just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way. (u/CowboyProgrammer on Reddit)
- It’s okay if your phone autocorrects ‘fuck’ to ‘duck.’ You’re still using fowl language. (u/GeezusManForReal on Reddit)
- Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine. (u/daugarten on Reddit)
- I recently came into a bunch of money…which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel. (u/SuramKale on Reddit)
- My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, but the librarian told me to take it out. (u/Girl_Alien on Reddit)
- How does a Rock pee? Dwayne’s his Johnson. (u/fowlermw on Reddit)
- My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially because his name’s Steve. (u/shonzo18 on Reddit)
- What do you call someone who is a master at baiting? A skilled seaman. (u/AYMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN on Reddit)
Dirty Jokes: Knock Knock Edition
Knock knock! Are you there? Because we have arrived with the Knock Knock edition to our dirty jokes. If you have already been looking for ‘knock knock jokes dirty,’ then stop because we have the best here! Scroll down and check out some of the funniest dirty jokes out there, only this one’s a little quirky – presenting the Knock Knock edition!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
May I come in?
May I come in who?
Not till we have a serious discussion about birth control.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jamaican.
Jamaican who?
Jamaican me horny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita, you inside me.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ice cream.
Ice cream, who?
Ice cream all night if you’re lucky.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howie.
Howie who?
Howie gonna hide this affair from your husband?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Yo mama.
Yo, mama, who?
Yo, mama woke up in my bed again.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
You’re justin time to wipe my bottom.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Waiter.
Waiter who?
Just waiter, I get my hands on you.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ima Reilly
Ima Reilly, who?
Ima, Reilly excited to see you naked later.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not someone.
Not someone who?
Not someone who will get you laid.
Dirty Jokes For Him
So you met a boy, and now he is making your heart race. But how do we express love – we share memes, and that’s fine, especially when the meme game turns a little naughty.
If you find yourself running out of stock and looking for ‘dirty jokes dirty memes for him’ on ‘those’ nights, then you have come to the right place. Scroll down and find what you need!
- They say that during s*x, you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
- I’ll admit it: I have a tremendous s*x drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
- Who’s the most popular guy at the n*dist colony? “The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.”
- How do you make a pool table laugh? “Tickle its balls.”
- If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
- A n*ked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the 0rgan.
- What do you do when your cat’s dead? “Play with the neighbor’s p*ssy instead.”
- What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used c0nd0ms? “One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.”
- What do you get when you cross a d*ck with a potato? “A dictator!”
- What comes after 69? “Mouthwash.”
- What’s the difference between hungry and h*rny? “Where do you stick the cucumber.”
- What are the three shortest words in the English language? “Is it in?”
Dirty Jokes For Her
So you met a girl, and now she is making your heart race. But how do we even express love – we share memes, some funny, some dirty, and some outright inappropriate. And all that’s fine until you run out of stock. If you have been looking for ‘dirty jokes dirty memes for her,’ then just scroll down and find what you were looking for!
And all that’s fine until you run out of stock. If you have been looking for ‘dirty jokes dirty memes for her,’ then just scroll down and find what you were looking for!
- What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I want you inside me.
- What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this crap.
- What did the clitoris say to the vulva? It’s all good in the hood!
- Your body is 70 percent water… and I’m thirsty.
- I love my bed, but I’d rather be in yours.
- They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?
- Let’s play carpenter! First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
- Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.
- Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
- Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
- What’s the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
- What do you call a person who doesn’t masturbate? A liar.
Dirty Jokes: The One With The Dirty Mind
Are you looking for ‘dirty mind jokes?’ The thing is, most of us have a dirty mind, or so they say, but is that true? Guess what?
It’s absolutely true! In fact, when we are not even cracking dirty jokes, someone or the other will bring the ‘dirty’ aspect to the conversation – and that’s so relatable. So here are a few jokes for the ones with the dirty mind.
- They say that during sex, you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
- I’ll admit it: I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
- What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married? The wedding ring.
- If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
- What do tofu and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
- How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.
- What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.
- What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Together, we can stop this crap.”
- Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
- Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
- What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Dirty Jokes: Valentine’s Edition
Every occasion demands at least a few dirty jokes. So there’s no shame in looking for dirty valentine jokes or even dirty easter jokes – we are all for inappropriate humor! We all are, but only some of us are brave enough to talk about it. Today, we have some of the best Valentine’s jokes – stay tuned to find out!
- I love you to the bedroom and back.
- Roses are red, Violets are blue, Get on your knees, You know what to do.
- Is that Cupid’s arrow in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
- I like your style, I like your class. But most of all, I like your ass.
- Guys are like roses. Watch out for the pricks.
- You’re like breakfast: great in bed.
- Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m using my hand, Thinking of you.
- I don’t want a stuffed animal for Valentine’s Day. Stuff me instead.
- I’m like butter. You can spread me anytime.
- Some girls want a big rock on Valentine’s Day. I want something that rhymes with that.
- You make me feel like a unicorn. Wild and horny.
- Roses are red, Violets are blue, My panties are wet, Just thinking of you.
Bonus Section: Our Favorite Selection Of Dirty Jokes That Are Never Appropriate But Always Funny
Welcome to The Dating Dairy’s bonus section! Here, we have our favorite selection of dirty jokes that are very inappropriate! But then, these are also incredibly funny. So, without wasting any time, let’s check these out ASAP!
- “How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half-empty.”
- “What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.”
- “What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.”
- “What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.”
- “What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common? They’re both cheap, fast and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.”
- “What is the difference between a clitoris and a cell phone? Nothing! Every cunt’s got one.”
- “Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in a different box.”
- “What does it mean if a man remembers the color of a woman’s eyes after a first date? She’s got small tits.”
- “How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same? Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.”
- “What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
- “What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.”
- “What do a woman and a bar have in common? Liquor in the front, poker in the back.”
And It’s A Wrap!
Are you already looking for ‘funny dirty minded dirty jokes dirty memes’ or even ‘little johnny jokes dirty?’ Then stop because we have found so many dirty jokes for you to enjoy and share with others. As we said in the beginning – you don’t need to lie about your love for raunchy jokes. You are at liberty to enjoy these with absolutely no shame!
Come on, tell us what your thoughts are on the jokes we have mentioned above – and while sharing your thoughts, feel free to share your favorite dirty gags of all time in the comments below.
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