I Knew You Were Trouble…And I Still Dated You: Dating Red Flags!

Sometimes, you know he is a gorgeous red flag walking toward you, and you just can’t help it. Once upon a time, I knew you were trouble, but when the time came, I still dated you. 

Looking back, it just doesn’t make sense…

Am I so shallow, then? 

But but but, I am not the only one. I have so many friends who have dated red flags disguised as humans! So, today, when I sat down to write about red flags in relationships or rather dating a red flag, I could only think about the years gone by, the memories made, and the empowerment moving on brought into my life. 

Pull out your glasses and identify these red flags for what they are – annoying pricks that you can always avoid! 

But Wait? Do You Remember The Song? Yes, I Knew You Were Trouble!

There’s no point wasting time over finding out who is I knew you were trouble written about (though we all know it’s about Hary Styles). Instead, let’s go back in time and play Swift’s original version of this popular song (if you are a Swiftie, you already know this one)!

Here’s the lyrics you were looking for! 

I Knew You Were Trouble…And I Still Dated You: Identifying Red Flags Before You Can Date Them!

The ‘I knew you were trouble Taylor’s version’ did bring back memories – not just of Taylor’s kickass music video from all those years ago, but also of the time I dated a gorgeous and really tall red flag even though I knew it wasn’t going to work. On paper, we were so perfect when it came to the whole situation, it was just toxic. 

It did take me six months to figure out what was good for me and step out – but I have been relatively smarter since then when it came to my dating life. So, here we go – a list of all relationship red flags to watch out for – it doesn’t matter whether you just started dating or considering dating this particular person. 

There are days you will end up telling your red flag, ‘you belong with me.’ There’s no avoiding your impulse, which is what always lets the common sense of the morning wash over your judgment, and soon, you will be in control of your self, and more importantly, your emotions. 

If you find yourself nodding to almost every characteristic of a perfect red flag, then just get out when you can! 

1. Choosing People Who Choose Me

One of the biggest red flags in a guy is perhaps his consistency. If he really likes you, then he will make himself available. Obviously, I am not saying he has to put in all the effort. A healthy relationship will never leave anyone confused. If he REALLY wants to be with you, then he will be with you – no confusion, questions, or doubts. 

2. No Response? That Is Also A Response

I knew you were trouble, and I still dated you – you know why? Because I failed to understand that you never really listened to me. I failed to understand that no response is also a response, a much more powerful response if you think about it. Ask yourself where you feel ‘heard?’ – do you feel heard? 

3. I Don’t Love The Way You Lie (Sorry Rihanna)

You can’t legit spot red flags in a person, but once you have dated a few of them, you will find it easy to spot similar characteristics – no, you don’t have a ‘type,’ hun, you just love red flags! Let me make one thing clear – these red flags will lie and often. Yes, they will cheat too – it’s almost like they can’t help it, followed by gaslighting if you do catch them…and catch you shall! 

4. Break My Heart… It Will Fix My Vision Too

There are two characteristics that make it very clear from the beginning – romantic partners with red flags always threaten to break up. Every time you will disagree with your partner, your partner will threaten to break up…but the breakup never really happens. You neither move on with the person nor alone – you are just hanging in the middle. There’s literally no future! 

5. Of Course You Miss Me…I Wasn’t The Problem

Of course, you asked countless times – why is Taylor swift screaming in I Knew You Were Trouble? She wasn’t screaming – she was making a point about partners like you who always come back to haunt. Red flags always come back, and there’s no logical reason to explain why – but that’s the fun part. They ALWAYS ALWAYS, ALWAYS come back! 

I Knew You Were Trouble…And I Still Dated You: Why Do I Keep Dating Red Flags?

I knew you were trouble, but every time, I failed to put an end to such relationships fated to end anyway. After a point, it starts feeling like a pattern – that I might just have a toxic type. And it just turned worse when I kept not just dating red flags but would often get back with toxic exes.

And I wasn’t alone. 

Why would I say ‘we are never ever getting back together’ to a romantic interest and then spend the next three months with the same person? And so were some of my closest friends and acquaintances. 

After a whole lot of research, I have managed to dig into a few reasons that might or might not be responsible for our inevitable attraction to red flags.

Infatuated At First Sight

This is the core of the problem. This is where it’s over for you. It’s not love at first sight – it never is…and the faster you acknowledge this, the better for your heart. It’s no secret that when you are attracted to someone new, there are hormones released inside your body – it’s like being in a state of natural high. 

Don’t trust what these hormones are making you feel – these hormones can make you blind for six to twelve months. So, it is highly unlikely that you are able to spot any red flags initially and make decisions based on the first few months of the apparently perfect relationship. 

It’s Not Me… It’s My Anxiety

Yes, I am going to shift a huge portion of the blame on anxiety’s shoulders. So yes, I have anxiety, and at this point, I have forgotten how it feels to spend a day when I am not anxious. But I am also sure that I am not alone. Sometimes, it’s the lack of faith in yourself that makes you date people who are not right for you. 

I have failed to recognize red flags so many times because I am so insecure and anxious on most days. It makes me make wrong choices – if you recognize your triggers, then at least you will be aware. Awareness is more vital than changing your toxic habits. 

I remember during my first breakup (another red flag I steer clear from), I was heartbroken. I kept listening to Teardrops On My Guitar for days until one day, I got up and didn’t let my anxiety get the better of me – and look at me now, all happy and cuddled! 

The Real Slim Shady (Trauma Bonding), Please Stand Up!

Sometimes, love turns out to be a blinding experience, and more importantly, we tend to become blind-sighted – yes, forgive my use of the word ‘blind’ too many times. But sometimes, it’s all about the connection – no matter how toxic it seems to be later, initially, I only valued how well I was connecting to toxic men. 

Friends would say, ‘it’s a pattern,’ and I would make reels about my affinity for red flags until one day, I realized it was my sense of belief – and if I changed my belief, I would actually break the pattern. Plus, in most cases, it was trauma bonding in simple terms, or rather my belief that I was bonding with such men more because we were damaged on similar levels. 

And that’s not all. Believing that your romantic relationship’s foundation is trauma bonding is a BIG red flag. In fact, by the time I realized this, it was too late, and I had started becoming toxic. I couldn’t help but text my toxic boyfriend of the time, ‘look what you made me do,’ and to date, he never understood what it meant. 

This Too Shall Pass!

Yes, I knew you were trouble, and I am sorry that I still dated you. But at least now I know – trust me, it is so much better to be aware than stay in the dark, unaware of the big red flag in your life. After all, you don’t want to screw your mental health up over a man who can only pull you down. 

I don’t think anyone needs to go through such an experience – there’s no learning, no growth, only screwed-up mental health. So, the best thing you can do is steer clear of such partners and try to identify the toxic aspects of your romantic relationships. What do you think? Do you agree? 

Whatever your thoughts and, more importantly, your feelings are about this situation, feel free to share those with us in the comments below!

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