The No Contact Rule Is Real…(Block Your Ex Right Now!)

But First, What Is the “No Contact” Rule?

The phrase no contact rule entails closing off all your channels of communication with your former partner after a breakup. Of course, this includes not engaging in DMs, calls, and even social media engagement. Some experts might even point out that not looking at their social media posts is absolutely off-limits,

Leanna Stockard (LMFT at LifeStance Health), in this context, told Very Well Mind

“In addition to no direct contact with your previous partner, it also means not following up with mutual friends to gather any form of information about their lives.”

While you will inevitably think of your former partner from time to time, cutting off all communications and even ceasing innocent ‘check-ins’ can help you to reduce how much your mind actually keeps wandering about your former relationship. At the same time, it can also make things easier for not just you but your former partner as well.

Exceptions:

Of course, it is not possible to completely cut off all channels of communication immediately after ending a romantic relationship. For instance, you will need to stay in touch with your former partner if you have kids together, or have the same group of friends, or work at the same company.

In such cases, it is important to maintain minimal contact. At the same time, it is also recommended to establish the different types of conversations that you are fine with having as well as creating boundaries around about when as well as how you are spending time together.

The No Contact Rule Is Real…Here’s A Story!

Before you can ask us or even Google how to go no contact, let’s take a pause because it’s STORYTIME!

Let me tell you about that one time I did not follow the infamous no contact rule and how I ended up experiencing the most traumatic, devastating, soul-crushing, gutting breakups of my whole life.

I dated Steve (*name changed*) during my final year at University, and boy, did it hit me like a crazy freight train! From the very beginning, the relationship was pretty unhealthy, but I was in love (or was it limerence?), and nobody in this world could tear me away from my desperate heart for this man.

After dating him for about eight months, we broke up. It was sad, and I kept crying, but we both knew it was meant to be – it was so toxic, so unhealthy, so wrong. He cried too and told me that he really loved me. The words I always loved hearing were delivered for one last time at possibly the worst time…or so I thought.

We decided not to stay in touch for a month or so. During that time, it sounded absolutely impossible – I felt like I was living life without a part of me breathing. I had no clue how I was going to survive this, even though I knew it was the right thing to do from the bottom of my heart.

Initially, it was difficult – the days were agonizingly long, and the nights were a blur.

And Then…

When just waiting for him to call did not work, I realized it was time to get my act together. I called the last few weeks typical female behavior after a breakup, and then something funny happened.

I started feeling like myself again – I felt so light, so much at ease, and definitely not stressed about my fragile relationship. I started spending more time with friends – friends I had avoided for the past six months because I had zero life outside that relationship.

New Day, New Love:

And then, one fine day, I started going out with a new man – he was so smart, emotionally stable, and not at all toxic. And even though I was feeling emotionally fragile, it was nice.

Almost like there was some radar signal on…the moment I started healing, my ex-partner swooped right back in. I was still in the middle of following the no contact rule with Aries man – but he couldn’t wait. He called me suddenly, desperate to meet.

For once, I wasn’t soft. I was very angry. I didn’t want to see him, but he kept begging, and out of spite, I told him that I was going out with someone new. Of course, he couldn’t digest this simple fact, and then came even more begging.

I tried to be strong, but then he begged me so much I kinda caved – and that my friends were the biggest mistake of my whole life.

Now that I had headed, suddenly, he desperately wanted me. The fact that I did not really get back together with him made his desire relatively stronger.

And Just Like That, It Was A Mess!

I was still going out with another guy, but it was damn hard to focus and even harder to connect. Plus, my ex had zero respect for his own #nocontact agenda! He kept begging me to take him back, and when the time came, I chose him.

The relationship was even more worse this time. Just as unhealthy, co-dependent, and toxic. But now, the relationship came with a thick layer of resentment – I resented him for what he put me through, and he resented me for going out with someone else.

It was less of a relationship and more of a situationship – it got absolutely worse when I went back home from University, and it was time for the long-distance test. The codependency was absolutely suffocating – he always wanted to stay in touch with me via phone or text. There wasn’t any space, and I was done.

Then One Night…

While following the no contact rule with Scorpio man or even no contact rule with Cancer man is an easy affair, it is extremely difficult to do the same with fire or even air signs – if only I had not given in and stuck to following the no contact rule with my ex, then I could have saved myself from going through one of the most horrible breakups of my life.

One night, when he didn’t contact me at all, I found it very odd. I was sure he would get in touch later. But somehow, he did not. And I just knew it – my gut told me he was with someone else. The very next day, I was able to confirm my suspicions on Instagram, of all places.

But even before I confronted him, before he could apologize, I had actually forgiven him. And was ready to make room for him in my life. As I had mentioned earlier, I was in this mess for the LONG haul. But he just wasn’t – and ended up leaving me for some random girl.

I even had the opportunity to watch their whole relationship play out on social media – they wouldn’t stop documenting their dates and LITERALLY every moment they spent together. Plus, I was a masochist who couldn’t tear myself away.

In Hindsight:

My ex’s new relationship shattered me – I was only a shell of a person. I was dazed, shocked, aghast, confused, traumatized, and couldn’t help but ask everyone, ‘does my ex miss me?’

I am not going to be poetic about it now – but anyone who has undergone heartbreak knows the familiar pain.

More than being angry with him or his new girlfriend, I was so angry with myself. I should have never taken his call – I should have just blocked him. I was moving on and healing, but now I am back to that deep, dark phase where everything is so sad and depressing.

This is precisely why I always say the no contact rule is absolutely real – you just have to follow it and not allow your ex to come back!

Why Is The No Contact Rule Essential For Moving On?

While reading up on 5 signs the no contact rule is working recently, I realized that we keep talking about the no contact rule in terms of getting your ex back, but what if I don’t want him back?

On closer inspection, I realized the rule is not just essential for getting your ex back but also for moving on. And it’s not about asking does no contact work on women or men – it’s about not contacting your ex-partner after breaking up. It’s about giving you a fair shot to heal and eventually move on.

Here’s why the no contact rule is essential for moving on – scroll down to find out more.

1. It Gives You Room To Detox Emotionally:

Breakups can be hard – your emotions can go straight into overdrive. You need to let these feelings simmer down. You need to mourn and spend time on your own – it’s a process, and it takes time.

But if your ex keeps coming back into your life, it will interrupt the whole healing process. It will mess with your head, and you will find yourself inside an infinite loop.

Think of the situation like an addict inside a rehab (after all, love is a drug) – you cannot give into temptation, not even a little. In the grand scheme of things, you are better of alone, anyway.

2. It Gives You Perspective:

It is only after the relationship ends and you step outside the boundaries of your relationship that you can see it for what it REALLY is – and that too with clarity.

Breakups always have a dual reason – the real reason and the surface reason. A relationship does not really unravel overnight. It actually happens over a period of time – there’s always a build-up of negativity, resentment, and problems.

And a whole lot of the time, things cannot be repaired and must actually stay broken. At other times, you might realize that the problems are actually fixable, with both partners deciding to work on themselves. Having space provides you the room to actually see things with more clarity, and that is always a great thing.

3. It Helps You Move On:

You might worry that it is actually no big deal to just meet your ex-partners for a drink or two or take his call when he drunk dials you at 2 in the night. These are all huge mistakes – even those innocent replies to his texts are all BIG problems.

For one, you are actually risking getting involved in what I call a post-breakup relationship, which is perhaps the worst kind of relationship. You will talk at time, hang out at times, but you are not really together with your ex.

And people don’t really change – so chances are most of your issues would never get solved.

You actually involve yourself in a pattern of breaking things off, missing each other, getting back together, feeling high on limerence, and again realizing that ultimately it’s not working out – it’s a toxic cycle that goes on and on.

Moral Of The Story:

The moral of the story is that no good can literally come from being in touch with your ex-partner. So, following the no contact rule until you start healing is the best thing you can do for yourself. This basically means you would totally feel okay if they do not want to be with you again.

If the thought immediately sends you into a pit of despair, then you are not really ready yet. So, tell us, what are your thoughts on the no contact rule? Feel free to share your thoughts, experiences, and, most importantly, stories with us about the no contact rule in the comments below.

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