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The Toxic Men Trope: Why Are Independent Women Attracted To Toxic Men?

The Toxic Men Trope: Why Are Independent Women Attracted To Toxic Men?

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There’s something about toxic men – it’s almost like dating a societal taboo. When I started thinking about it, I realized that the toxic men trope is not very uncommon.

There’s always that one guy you know is not good for you, but when he hits you up, you also know there is no going back. I mean, I have been there too – and I believe I have seen it all! From the toxic, misunderstood artist to the corporate narcissist, I think I specialize when it comes to dating red flags.

And over time, I have realized that independent, headstrong women always seem to fall for toxic men. It’s a pattern, really.

So, ladies, are we doing something wrong? Is it that hard to break the pattern? Or is it something about these toxic men that always lures us in? Let’s dig in – stay tuned to find out more!

The Toxic Men And The Damsels In Distress Trope:

Why Are Independent Women Attracted To Toxic Men

Yes, to find out why women are essentially attracted to toxic men, you have to understand the toxic men-damsels in distress trope. See, our attraction towards toxic men almost feels internalized.

Of course, growing up, popular culture and typical societal gender roles played a vital role in damaging how we look at potential partners. I mean, I am a pretty independent woman, but then I can be a damsel-in-distress to get the attention of the hot-toxic man. It’s not me – it’s the stupid voice in my guts asking me to run after the emotionally unavailable fu** boy!

It all ultimately boils down to a man in a power position while the woman is in a relatively weaker spot. How will he save you if he is not strong/powerful? Yes, it might sound naive, but it’s true. So, you think you are independent, and you don’t need any man’s help?

Oh please, I was living with the same idea, except one day, this man in a position of power told me he was there for me. And God, I became a little girl again – running to him whenever things got tough.

I mean, it took me time to understand what was going on, but every time I would be in trouble and he would step in to help, I fell for him a little more.

I don’t think independent women are the only ones attracted to toxic men. It’s also the other way around – toxic men love to save independent women who typically say they don’t need anyone. But what’s the allure, really? Let’s find out!

So, Why Are Independent Women Attracted To Toxic Men?

So, we have established that independent women are addicted to toxic men, and toxic men can’t get enough of independent women cum damsels-in-distress. At this point, it’s a thing, really – but why so?

Let’s find out!

1. Relationships With Toxic Men Feel So Good:  

Initially, relationships with toxic men can feel really good. Understand this: men who are emotionally available and narcissistic are great at doing everything to make you feel loved.

But they will do it in limited doses. So, they will do just enough to get your attention and then leave you wanting more. As a result, toxic men almost always give their romantic relationships a strong start – welcome to the love bombing phase.

In this phase, your toxic boyfriend will shower you with attention and affection. It just doesn’t feel great, but it’s also very hard to resist. But girl, understand that he is basically using ‘love’ and ‘affection’ to psychologically manipulate you.

On that note, two of the earliest signs that someone is love bombing you include constant pressure to commit and attention. Is he constantly asking you to commit to him early on in the relationship? Is he present at all times in some form or another (in person or via texts, calls, etc)?

Moreover, remember that the attention he is giving you to love bomb you is intermittent and inconsistent. Plus, it’s almost always on their terms.

2. It’s Freaking Difficult To Leave A Toxic Man:  

Just like it’s too good to be true in the beginning, it’s almost impossible to end a toxic relationship, let alone leave a toxic guy. After all, it is only human to consider someone’s positive qualities as compared to their disturbing issues, particularly once you fall in love with them.

See Also
Contempt In Relationships

If you are wondering whether your relationship is toxic, then there are some ways to find out the truth. You have to be alert towards all the non-substantial factors that make up your partner’s personality.

Your actual focus should be on how your partner makes you feel, how they look, your physical compatibility, or whether you are having a great time with them.

In non-toxic relationships, when you are working on something concrete, what you actually like about your potential partner has to be something in-depth. You need to take into consideration your feelings, mutual respect, and consistency.

Ask yourself: How does your boyfriend make you feel usually, not just during the limited interactions he has with you? Is your boyfriend there for you in a meaningful and real way? If you are currently struggling to find your boyfriend’s positive traits, then chances are there’s not much to hang on to in this relationship.

3. With Toxic Men, Relationship Dysfunction Becomes Addictive  

Toxic relationships typically start in an innocent manner. Your partner pushes your buttons while you push theirs. This is a dynamic that can create some intensive physical chemistry. At first, you might shake off what could be psychological or emotional abuse.

Additionally, if your boyfriend is great at doing other stuff in the relationship, on top of being emotionally abusive or unavailable, it can cause havoc in your life.

Dopamine that controls your pleasure points is ignited the moment you fall for a toxic relationship. The addiction can be so similar to having drugs. Sounds a little scary, right?

In fact, the attraction and frustration you experience are absolutely real. And every time you have an engagement with your boyfriend, it enhances your bond with your partner versus your need to leave them.

And It’s A Wrap!  

So, it’s a wrap on toxic men! They are everywhere, and you gotta keep your eyes closed – because toxic men are all around, and they are freaking hot. These hotties are complete red flags and are here to ruin our lives. So, ladies, be careful and stay away from these hotties – only swipe for Green this year!

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