.When we are dating someone, the thought of our partner being with someone else sends chills down our spine. The thought of someone else touching them the way we do, loving them the way we love, becomes unbearable.
But surprisingly, that is not the case for everyone. Not everyone feels the same. Some people have a fetish of getting turned on when they see their partner having sex with someone else. Sounds weird, right? Well, not as much as you think.
These days, people are more open to exploring their fetishes, fantasies, and kinks. And cuckolding is one such fetish. Cuckolding is basically a form of consensual non-monogamy.
What is cuckolding?
The fetish, where someone takes pleasure in checking out their partner getting involved in sexual activities with someone else, is known as cuckolding.
Who knew sex came with so much name-calling? Here, the person watching is the cuckold, and the other person who is involved with the partner is known as the bull. This does not mean that the cuckold has to be in the room while the entire activity is happening.
They can be sent images, or they can hear about it later from their partner. Conventionally, a cuckold is a man who gets pleasure from watching their wife getting involved in sexual activities with another man. But there are no gender boundaries when cuckolding is concerned.
The term “cuckold” is derived from cuckoo birds, who are known for laying eggs in other’s nests, which means the other birds raise chicks that are not even their own.
Back in medieval times, the word “cuckold” was used to describe a man whose wife was unfaithful, who was not aware of this infidelity, and who raised children who were not his own, similar to the cuckoo birds.
But How Is It Different From Polyamory?
Cuckolding is not like the other forms of ethical non-monogamy or consensual non-monogamy. It differs as it mostly focuses on watching what is happening. Polyamory is also a kind of consensual non-monogamy.
If we navigate polyamory, it is when someone can have numerous romantic partners, but cuckolding is mainly sexual and not anything romantic. There is another form of consensual non-monogamy, and that is swinging.
This is something where you will get to see a couple swap. But here, couples swap their sexual partners. In cuckolding, the person watching does not get involved in the sexual activity themselves.
Cuckoldry As A Fetish
The modern-day use of the word “cuckolding” is different from what it was back in the day. Now, the cuckold is completely aware that their partner is sleeping with someone else, and they agree to it.
There are numerous reasons why people enjoy cuckolding. Some think of it as a way to combat boredom in their relationship, and for some, sexual variety strengthens the relationship as they get to know more about the sexual preference of their partner.
Some get jealous when they see their partner with someone else, and that adds an exciting element to their sex life. According to Aoife Drury, a relationship and psychosexual therapist, “Cuckolding may trigger sexual jealousy. The thought of their [the cuckold’s] partner being with someone else may be quite arousing.”
Aoife further mentions that people enjoy cuckolding because “it’s about seeing sexual satisfaction or empowerment from your partner and that being a turn on. This actually has a name and is defined as compersion.”
This is an amazing way of improving communication in your relationship. You need to be honest with one another about what you like and what you dislike. It is better to set some boundaries beforehand if you think you might be uncomfortable or jealous at some point.
Why Are People So Much Into It?
While some would find it taboo to sit back and look while someone else takes your partner for a ride, that is what is appealing for some people. Human sexuality differs, and so does their preference.
According to Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D, and founder of Modern Intimacy, “In a culture that is mostly monogamous, engaging in cuckolding (in fantasy or in real life) can feel like crossing the boundaries of what society says is okay.”
She further adds, “Pushing the limits and doing things that are ‘out of bounds’ can add an element of fear and adrenaline to the experience of arousal, increasing the turn-on.”
According to Jill McDevitt, Ph.D., and clinical sexologist, “the arousal that comes from relinquishing power and being humiliated” is one of the main reasons behind people’s cuckolding.
Sometimes, the bull and the cuck humiliate the cuckold verbally. But this is also consensual. This type of sexual fetishism is actually a type of masochism. This can also be termed as sadomasochism.
Cuckolding is also considered a type of BDSM. According to Aoife, “An aspect of BDSM can be humiliation, and the thought of [the cuckold] feeling or being humiliated could also be exciting. Our brains have the ability to turn something degrading into something powerfully erotic.”
Negative Connotations And Assumptions
Cuckolding is acceptable as long as everybody agrees to this arrangement, and that is how all parties involved can enjoy it. However, in every non-monogamous relationship, there is a risk of transmitting and contracting STIs.
It also comes with a lot of emotional risk. Even though there is always a risk factor (emotionally speaking) in any relationship that you are a part of. You have to be mindful when you are proposing something like this to your partner.
You have to consider their feelings before you get involved in this kind of an agreement. Some people think of it as a form of revenge from their partner and believer that they are pimping their partner to someone else.
While some feel that the cuckold cannot satisfy their partner’s need, they are bringing a third party into their bedroom. But in reality, the situation is entirely different. As this is still considered a taboo sexual interest, people feel ashamed to discuss this openly.
A person who is interested in having this kind of relationship should take the matter up with a therapist if they are ashamed to discuss this matter with their partner as well. They can help a cuckold with a kind of negative emotions that come up with their sexual interest.
Some people like the idea of ownership. And the fact that someone is dominating their partner in front of them is like a different type of satisfaction they seek. They like to be in control of the relationship. They want to be in charge of finding the bull in their relationship as well.
It is important that both partners are interested in pursuing this form of relationship and that both of them are on the same page.
Variants And Alternatives
Even though people use the terms “cuckoldress” and “hotwife” interchangeably, they are not the same thing. The hotwife scene is more about sex and does not involve control, emotion, and power.
Moreover, hotwifing centers around pride and not humiliation. The partner boasts of having a hot partner and about her sexual adventures. And they are always happy to share their partner with someone else. They just want to take pride in the fact that they have someone hot.
Some might even confuse it with swinging, but swinging involves swapping partners. All four of them get involved in sexual activities, but in cuckolding, the cuckold is merely a silent spectator.
How Can You Indulge In Cuckolding?
Well, the first thing that is required if you want to have a relationship like this with your partner is communication. Make sure that you do not force them into doing something that they are not comfortable with.
If they are unsure about what it exactly is, then explain it to them. But do not force your choices on them. Everything that is happening should be consensual.
According to Dr. Jill, “tons of communication, discussion of safer sex methods, and consideration of the physical and emotional safety of all involved, including the third party.”
Aoife adds, “Cuckolding can very much be part of healthy relationships as long as you are both open, honest, and content with it being part of your sex lives. “The most important aspect of all sexual activity is consent. It is important when someone has a kink or fetish that they are communicating openly with all parties involved, and everyone is happy.”
Aoife mentions, “If it is something that you would like to start off with, it is vital to understand what may be brought up. Seeing your partner with someone else may be quite upsetting so taking it slow is of utmost importance.”
She further adds, “Finally, I would encourage partners to draw out parameters and rules so that there are clear boundaries; perhaps that’s not having sex with someone you know or for cuckolding not to occur in your home.”
To conclude, you can definitely try this out if you are into cuckolding. For whatever reason, you should make sure that all of you involved in the relationship are on the same page.
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